10 Ways to Manage Conflict and Tension
The holidays can be a time of joy and connection, but for those grieving, they often come with unique challenges—especially when tension or conflict arises among family and friends. Grief affects everyone differently, and during this emotionally charged season, differing ways of coping, unmet expectations, or unresolved feelings can lead to friction. Navigating these tensions requires understanding, communication, and self-compassion. Below are ten ways to manage conflict and tension that may be helpful for you.
1. Fight - but keep it light
Channel the energies of conflict and tension into fun, low-stakes competition that lets everyone blow off steam while staying connected. Engage in activities that spark friendly rivalry, like games or trivia, offering a safe and enjoyable way to express intensity without serious conflict. It’s a great way to “fight” while keeping the mood light and the relationships strong. Maybe choose a game that sparks lively debates and playful shouting, bringing everyone together in a spirited and fun way; i.e.: Taboo, Codenames, etc. Or perhaps even bring a piñata and get that energy out together!
2. Split up
Rather than trying to manage the dynamics, relationships, and emotions of an entire group for the whole evening or day, consider dividing everyone into smaller groups. This approach allows guests to engage more deeply with one another through games or collaborative tasks. Not only does this ease the burden of keeping the entire group cohesive, but it also creates opportunities for more meaningful connections to form in a relaxed, manageable way.
3. Talk less.
When emotions are high and intense, do something. Rather than starting an argument, fire up the karaoke machine or organize a group activity that brings out laughter and collaboration, like trivia, charades, or a dance-off. These lighthearted moments can redirect high emotions into joy and help everyone connect in a fun and engaging way.
4. Acknowledge the Impact of Grief on Relationships
Grief amplifies emotions, making even minor disagreements feel overwhelming. Understanding that grief manifests differently for each person can help foster empathy. One family member may seek traditions as a way to honor a loved one, while another may find these traditions too painful to continue. Acknowledging these differences and having a plan in place can help diffuse tension.
5. Set Boundaries to Protect Your Energy
It’s okay to say “no” to events, conversations, or obligations that feel too draining. Communicate your limits clearly and kindly:
“I’d love to participate in dinner, but may need to step away if I feel overwhelmed.”
“This year, I’d prefer a quieter holiday and appreciate your understanding.”
“I love you, but I need this time to tend to my needs.“
Boundaries are not about avoiding others but ensuring you’re prioritizing your well-being.
6. Approach Conversations with Compassion and Clarity
Tension often arises from misunderstandings or unspoken feelings. If conflict occurs, try to communicate your perspective without placing blame. Use “I” statements, like:
“I want to make sure I’m understanding you correctly. Would it be okay if I share what I heard and you let me know if I’ve got it right?”
“I feel like this might be a sensitive topic. How about we take some time to reflect and revisit the conversation when we’re both ready to share our thoughts more clearly?”
“I feel overwhelmed when we talk about this topic. Can we shift the focus?”
Practicing reflective listening - it will help de-escalate conflicts and build connection.
7. Create Space for Shared Grief
Sometimes, tension arises from the avoidance of grief. Allow space to openly acknowledge your loss as a group. Intentionally set some time aside to share memories, light a candle, or create a small ritual together. These moments can bring healing and unity amidst the tension.
8. Practice Self-Care and Grounding
When emotions run high, returning to self-care can make a big difference. Take time for activities that help you feel grounded, such as journaling, meditating, or simply stepping outside for fresh air. Self-care gives you the emotional bandwidth to approach conflicts with more patience and understanding.
9. Know When to Step Away
Not every conflict needs to be resolved in the moment, and sometimes stepping back is the healthiest choice. It’s okay to disengage temporarily and revisit the conversation later when emotions have cooled.
10. Seek Support Outside the Circle
If tensions feel overwhelming, consider seeking one-on-one support or from a grief group. Speaking with others outside the situation can provide perspective and tools to manage the dynamics more effectively.
Finding Peace Amid the Tension
The holidays can be complicated when grief and tension are in the mix, but with patience, understanding, and communication, it is possible to navigate these challenges. Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your healing and set boundaries that support your well-being. Sometimes, the most meaningful gift you can give yourself and others during the holidays is grace - both for yourself and those around you.
