How long does grief last? Will I feel normal again?
Whether you are navigating the death of a human or pet, an ending to a relationship, or anticipation of a loss, grief can feel so crushing that you can’t see through it.
No one can tell you how to grieve, when you will be able to move forward, or what any of that will look like. In all likelihood, you will redefine what “normal” means to you. So how can you navigate this part of your journey?
Go Back to Basics - When grieving, we often find ourselves in survival mode. Keeping a schedule just for the basic necessities, such as eating, can help alleviate the feelings of overwhelm and allow for little windows of active engagement to come up for air.
Allow Yourself to Feel – You may think: “That’s the problem! I can’t stop feeling.” Notice the difference between judging or thinking about your feelings versus letting your body feel. Allow sadness, anger, confusion, and any other emotions arise without judgment, but also tune into your body.
What bodily sensations arise? Perhaps there’s a heaviness in your chest - what else is there? Is there a texture to it? Let these sensations resolve on their own without suppressing or avoiding. As the saying goes: “What you resist, persists; what you accept, transforms.”Practice Self-Care – Sometimes, self-care looks like getting some sleep or showering. (Tip: If the grief keeps you in bed in the morning, practice self-care by setting out personal care or breakfast items the night prior and reducing any mental load keeping you in bed.
Other times, it means learning your (new) boundaries and sticking to them. Ultimately, we engage in self-care to create the life we want and that means it will get uncomfortable at times.Give Yourself Grace – Grief doesn’t have a timeline, nor is it linear. Contrary to popular belief, Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s Five Stages of Grief® was never meant to pathologize grief. Like any other emotion, grief is organic. It’s okay to move through it at your own pace - even if that means being angry at how it feels like it will never get lighter.
Find Meaningful Ways to Remember – Rituals, keepsakes, or creative projects like artwork can help process grief, but speaking their names or talking about fond memories can also be cathartic and intimate.
Create or Find Community - As tempting as it may be to self isolate during grief, half of the work is done through the self and the other half is done in community. While no one will know your grief better than you, being around those who understand or are willing to try helps bring us out of the funk.
Seek 1:1 Support – Reach out to a grief specialist to help guide you through the process. Grief can feel disorienting, surreal, and isolating. With the support of a professional, you can integrate loss and grief to create a life you want to live.
Visit this directory curated by grief expert, David Kessler, for a list of certified grief educators categorized into therapists, coaches, and peer-to-peer based on your needs.
Remember: you have already survived the worst day.
If you feel called to connect, I would love to chat with you! Here’s my calendar, let’s talk.
