Affirmations Feel Fake? Here’s How to Make Them Actually Help
Information has never been more accessible. More people than ever are seeking therapy, engaging in personal development, and learning about mental health. And yet, mental health outcomes are still declining. Why?
There are many contributing factors:
Socioeconomic inequality
Chronic stress from unprocessed emotions and collective trauma
The decline of community, ritual, and shared meaning
Pathologizing normal emotional experiences
Nervous system dysregulation from modern life (constant stimulation, artificial lighting, excessive screen time)
Automation and AI replacing human work and purpose
These all play a role. But this post focuses on one factor that often gets overlooked:
The over-reliance on logic and intellectualizing emotions - a result of the ways we’re shaped by school, work, and society.
We’ve been taught to think our way through everything. Emotions are often viewed as inconvenient or unproductive. Creativity and the arts are stripped from education systems in favor of test scores. We prioritize speed, productivity, and certainty over reflection, embodiment, and meaning-making.
This deeply impacts how we relate to ourselves - and how we approach healing.
Why Affirmations Sometimes Feel Like Gaslighting
A perfect example: affirmations.
You’ve probably heard that repeating positive affirmations can change your mindset. But what if they don’t feel true? If anything, affirmations can feel like gaslighting when they bypass your actual emotional experience.
Take someone who doesn’t believe they’re attractive, for instance. Repeating “I am beautiful” might feel hollow - or even painful. It’s not just about the words.
So, How Can You Make Affirmations Actually Work?
1. Use the power of “and”
Instead of forcing a new belief, meet yourself where you are. For example:
“I don’t feel worthy right now, and I’m learning how to see my value.”
“I feel insecure today, and I am still worthy of love.”
This allows space for your truth and your intention - without bypassing either.
2. Bring in ritual
Affirmations weren’t invented by self-help influencers. They’ve existed for centuries in the form of prayer, mantra, chanting, and poetry. What’s often missing today is the ritual - the embodied, intentional practice that helps the lesson sink in.
This might look like lighting a candle, saying the affirmation aloud while breathing deeply, or repeating it while moving your body.
3. Go slow and steady
This isn’t the quick-fix answer most people want, but it's the truth: a few affirmations over a week or two won’t undo decades of self-belief patterns.
Bottom line:
There’s a difference between cognitive and experiential knowledge. You may know these things cognitively, but to truly believe them is entirely different. That’s the difference between information and integration. It’s about embodiment. It’s about creating space for the full spectrum of human emotion - not just thinking your way into feeling better.
And that takes time, compassion, ritual, and intentional practice - all held within a sense of safety.
